I have failed.

That truth; harsh as it is, must be accepted.

I have struggled mightily to process that fact, without accepting the lie and succumbing to the fear that says “I AM a failure”.

The fear that I am a failure has pushed me to anger, bitterness, resentment, lust, greed, and just about every other foul thought imaginable. All driving a mentality of determination to destroy the fear.

All efforts made under my own power, desperate to prove my worth.

All empty.

All without success.

In my heart now, I have not defeated that fear.

The fear is still palpable.

The fear is crippling.

The fear is clinging, but I am not owned by fear any longer.

God is all powerful.

He is my designer, my creator, my purpose giver.

I am His, created in His image to be a light to His goodness.

As that light, I am only as bright as I allow myself to be.

Sin and fear cast shadows on our lights.

Every sinful desire or fearfully motivated word throws up dirt towards our soul. That dirt blocks out the light we’re designed to radiate. Darkness in our heart has the power to block the light emitting from us, but ultimately, it is powerless against the source of the light.

I suppose that the light of the world, provided by God, is always, constantly the same total amount. His light shines bright, at all times, through his people and through his Creation.

We are but one bulb in a chain of lights that stretches the universe. If we go dim, others make up the slack, and when we shine our brightest,  we’re being used purposefully for someone seeking such a light.

I know I am still a light in His army. I KNOW that I am not a failure.

If I can defeat that fear, then I will overcome the shadow that is still residing over my light.

Focusing my desire on the obedience to the leading of the Holy Spirit is my remedy.

He is my guide.  My north star.

There will always be temptation and trials. This is not the end, nor the beginning of my journey.

It is but a chapter or verse; simply a line in a much greater piece.

I am determined to move forward, I know I must trust the Lord and His ways, His truths, and His designs.

When I do that, the fear and sin withdraw and His light becomes mine.

The light that burns bright in the sun and stars of all the universe, takes shape and sound.

The light transcends its initial function to become kindness, tenderness, mercy, long suffering,  and patience.

Those “fruits” of the Spirit of God.

We are all portals for that light.

Transmitting it to the world is all of our purpose.

We were purposefully designed to accept the light that provides warmth, nourishment, sight, color, beauty, and joy.

We are the recipients of that light for all our lives. It is by our choices we determine if we will be magnifiers or if we will be consumers and shadow tossers, by means of our sins and fears.

I choose to trust in my God and seek out His light.

Lead me Holy Spirit, I am yours.